Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Back into the Light, slowly.

Hello dear friends,

My apologies for not posting since November of 2015.  A lot has gone on, since I lost my parents, and have had  to deal with estate issues, and trying to come up with money to pay for legal fees from the guardianship and other legal issues that came up with the nursing home and the false accusations. All it did was run up a legal tab that I will be unable to ever pay off in my lifetime.

Right after my parents funeral services, on November 1  of 2015, I opened up my industrial seamstress shop downtown, thinking I could sew and make some extra money to pay for all of these legal fees.  I was sewing at home, but we have an ill tempered neighbor who will call the cops every time a strange car comes into the street and that makes for uneasy feelings with the neighbors.
I was sewing on heavy items, like Carhart overalls, Wall overalls, bikers road leathers, replacing big zippers, and general repair.  I do not do alterations, I am not a general seamstress, but I can work on this big stuff as I bought a Rex industrial sewing machine, a behemoth , and took the old motor off and put a newer Servo motor that I am able to slow the machine down to one or two stitches and you can handle the machine better.  I was busy all through the winter, had stuff come in over my eyeballs. It was going good up until March of this year, then the town started a down hill spiral due to the layoff of a lot of Union Pacific railroaders, this due to the shutting down of the coal mines and the Obama's war on coal.Our town now is dying and people are leaving and the town is drying up, including my business.

I had 6 new railroaders who were transferred in from other areas, a few months before all this happened, did a lot of work on their work clothes, some of the work totalled over $100 a piece, I needed that money so badly to pay my estate bill, but instead, stiffed me using debit cards then cancelling the transactions.  My attorney went in immediately to retrieve the funds, using a new attorney in the firm, working pro bono, as I just could not afford any more fees. I was told that most of the money has been retrieved, except for one, but I think the firm put a lien on his paycheck and I should get that soon.
So, I got mad about that, and shut the shop down, and went back home to work.  But everything is totally slowed down to almost nothing, no one is spending money or anything.    

Because of the town drying up, and a few other issues about being in this community, which I cannot take anymore, because my parents are not here anymore, I have no family here, and the town is literally going to pot.  We have nothing here anymore but meth, and sexual predators coming into town by the hundreds.  Also, D and I cannot afford the property taxes anymore. He cannot work anymore and the house taxes are beyond our incomes, so we are planning on moving hopefully sometime in late summer or early Fall.  We are looking at the NW area, Washington or Idaho.
We are hoping to be able to sell the house, with all of the layoffs, and get out of here. We'll move everything, animals, everything. I am clearing out my parents stuff from the house, we had a huge garage sale last Friday and Saturday, got rid of a ton of stuff. I still have to go through small items, and most of that will go to GoodWill or the dump. I cannot hang onto things anymore and if we move, I can't take much.  So that is what I'm doing now, going through and clearing out everything.

I have lost a lot of my beautiful cats also.  Old age, cancer, other ailments, so that has been sad. I miss them all. But life goes on and the ones I have left,  they will be moving with us to a new home I hope soon. Dogs too.  They are old and ill, but will come with us unless they go down hill.

Well, thats it for now, in a nut shell.  Almost too much to talk about.  It seems like life has just jumped by, it almost runs day by day, and its a blur to me. 
The only thing that keeps me focused is the fact that we're  planning on moving, and it keeps me going to plan something new.  I am excited, scared, not even sure if we can move at our age.  I'm also nervous as my eyesight is very limited now, because of the retina tear, I have distortion in the left eye and my driving is limited. For me to drive a moving van with a car in tow, and animals in crates really bothers me.  But we will cross that bridge when we get there.

Well, I will leave you all. Wishing all a wonderful week.  I will try to post more often.  Oh, that was the other reason, I was having problems with Blogger and getting logged back into it.  That took me a while to figure out.

Hugs to All of you.

Friday, November 20, 2015

Re emerging after a tough year

Hello everyone,
It's been a very long time, and a difficult year, for me physically, mentally, and financially.
My long sabbatical hopefully over. I had my computer die on me, no money to fix or get a new one. I ended up getting a Kindle, that I like and it serves its purpose. I also had lots of trouble with getting access to my blog account, it may have been hacked, but I think that may be fixed.
I lost both of my parents this year. My Mom passed June 25th. My Dad passed October 22nd. I had services for both October 29th, and placed them at our Veterans National Cemetery, Fort McPherson.
I won't go into details, but it was long, and drawn out, and slow for both to die. My only concern was keeping them comfortable, and quiet. It was pitiful for them.
I am now going through the drawn out process of estate closure, and dissolve the guardianship and conservatories. More money that I do not have.
I just can't cover everything, but I have ended up going back into doing seamstress work, and doing more heavy items like car and boat covers, outdoor equipment, and trying to learn how to work on tactical gear. I have had to go back even with a bad left eye. I've had several surgeries on my eye to try to save what sight I have, as I have huge legal fees that have to be paid from the estate according to law, or I will be found in contempt of court, so I will plug along and pay what I can every month until it's paid.
I have missed everyone, and have lost track of all. I will try to catch up with all of you.
Well, I will try to post and keep up again.
Hugs to all

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

One Eyed Willy and other tales

Good Afternoon Everyone,

I thought I'd better pop in.   I tried to promise to post, but as Murphy's Law dominates my life,
On  January 29th, I had emergency eye surgery in Hastings Nebraska, about two and a half hours from my home town,  There are few eye surgeons in our state, only about four, and that's if you do not want to drive 5 hours to the urban areas and spend hundreds of dollars on hotel rooms and food,
Hastings supports a wonderful eye specialist for retina tears, which I had, in fact, I had four tears, with one tearing around my optic nerve and a high risk of being blind.  Dr Welch, a well respected eye surgeon, fixed my eye and I was back January 30th, and recovered at home.  
I have limited vision in my left eye, it will be months before it heals, and about a year to see if I can get some of my vision back.  So, time is the denominator in this issue.
Because of limited vision, D went out yesterday and bought me a new laptop with text that I can read better.  I have been working on getting the laptop configured with working with one eye.  My right eye is now a very dominate eye and is taking up for the slacker left eye.
All of this came down at the same time I was finishing up packing up my parents home, moving things, then Dad going in the hospital with the flu.  Too much stress and being older and very, very severely near sighted, the retina let go.  I did, however while this was going on, sold my parents home and got that very big issue out of my way. I do not have to worry about mowing, and care of two homes. I have not told my parents I sold it.  They are doing very poorly, not eating and degrading slowly, I do not need to tell them anything to upset them even more.
So, I am healing at home.  No driving at all.  I go in March 16th, for my checkup, there Dr will determine if I can drive limited.  D needs surgery on his leg, but this was postponed when I had this little mishap. So we will just see and pray.
Well, my eye is getting tired, and I have a sniffle, what else is new.  Kitties are fine, doggies are fine, and I just take it one day at a time. I am trying to keep tabs on all of you through the blogs.

Hugs to All

Sunday, January 18, 2015

I am still here,

Dear Everyone,

I do not have words to say how very sorry I am for not posting for a (horridly) long time.  The past 7 months have been dreadful, horrible, stressful, and unkind.
But I have pushed through, barely.  D has been in bad shape and all I have done, and looking back, I do not know how I did it...Starting with new doctors in a community 100 miles away, physical therapy here, then to a rehab center in the Capital of our state, Lincoln.  It is one of the finest centers for recovery of many different accidents and injuries.  Mental, physical, and total body help.  D went there in December for an evaluation, I had to stay home, many things going on here from trying to clean out my parents home, to putting it on the real estate market to sell, to me having a mini stroke in July, to trying to get well to finish cleaning out parents home.  I have been eight months cleaning, sorting, and storing.  I am almost complete, by the end of this month, it will be done.
I am still dealing with the stoke issues.  I lost partial vision in my left eye,  but still, I had to finish doing everything I could do.  I could not find any help what so ever here.  I was shocked at how lazy people are here.  So, I completed the job myself. And as D was able to get around better in the wheelchair, he cleaned the garage out wheeling around the garage and sorting tools, and throwing out.  We threw out over three quarters of nothing but junk.  Now its almost done.
I just wanted to pop in, as I feel pretty good to get back on the computer and post.  I have guardianship court in a few weeks for both parents and that was very stressful, completing all transactions and coming up with a total complete balance of the estate.  It took me over two weeks to complete and finish.  Now the attorney has it and she will go over everything and get it in proper order.
I will try to pop in on Sundays.  They are a total rest day now for me.  I usually shut down the computer on the weekends, but I will try to catch up with all of you.
I sent loving thoughts to all of you, I will get better.  I have missed all of you.
Many hugs

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Keeps Gettin' Better

Good Evening Everyone,

I thought I'd maybe better post to let all know, (or not know) that I am still here, hanging on, and it seems it will never quit.  I have been running the last few weeks taking my mother to an orthopedic specialist at a clinic about 100 miles away.  About 6 years ago, her left leg bone broke at where the shaft of her artificial hip was and spiral broke around it.  The surgeon plated her leg bone with a plate and about 13 screws holding the plate in place.  Its a piece of work, on xray, but now the hip keeps falling out of place and I have been threatened a few times to get her to this specialist.  D and I have been very sick the last month with some virus that made you feel like you could crawl somewhere to die.  I had not been that sick for about 7 years. He and I still have the bark. We finally were well enough to take her to this specialist.
We took her to Kearney last Wednesday, and it was a hell of a trip.  We had to rent a car as we do not have a road worthy  vehicle.  And then she turned in a total animal, and she was even sedated.  Well, to change the outcome of her getting her surgery, D ended up being hurt pretty bad yesterday afternoon (Monday), by a steer.  He was loading at a feed lot about 50 miles from here and another trucking company owner and himself were trying to load these cattle.  The next thing D said, was a Brahma, about 1800 #, was staring at him, and then as quick as a New York minute, the steer had him down  in the feedlot, and pinned him.  It took a lot of men, and some cowboys on horseback to get the steer off of him, and one of the cowboys shot the steer to keep it from hurting or killing someone else.  It was a nightmare.  The owner of the feedlot said that the cattle were spooky, and unruly all day yesterday, and I am sure it is because we are having very bad weather today and tonight.  Very stormy and unsettled.  So the small village where everyone was at has an ambulance and EMT's and they had him in the unit and hauled butt back here to ER.  He was badly stomped on, and his right leg broken in 3 places.  I just got home here about 7:30 pm tonight, after sitting all day at the hospital and in surgery, where they pinned and rodded the leg.  I left as I was completely exhausted from sitting last night til about midnight and then up at 7 am and back at the hospital about 9 am. D was still heavily sedated and still groggy so the nurses told me to go home as he was in good hands and if they need me, they will call. 
I am sure that Glenda from Living and Gardening in the Ozarks will attest, cattle are extremely unpredictable. These were fats going to Fort Morgan to the plant. These were large and heavy cattle.
So now, I have a man down, as well and try to handle my parents.  I went today before I went to the hospital, and explained to my parents, that I cannot at this time be a their beckoned call.  They will just have to plan by  my schedule as I can plan.  It will be at least 8 weeks, if not more before D is healed, and he is 60, and it make take longer.  It depends on many things.  We will just see on a daily basis.
So, at this point in time, I feel that I have a curse on me.  I guess all I can do it ask for strength and take it each day as it comes.
So, other than that, I have been doing ok, I am upset at all of this, but I feel I can just take it by the horns, so to speak and as the British say, "Keep calm and Carry On", which is what I will do.
Other than this little bump, things have been somewhat calmer, I finally got my garden in, it will be totally late this year.  We had very chilly weather and cold and I had to re-start a lot of the garden.  Now, its just worry about hail and bad weather which is ramping up now.  We need rain so bad.  Sunday we got 2 inches, which we needed so very badly.  If it would just rain and no hail or nasty storms like we are getting now.
But, I am still here, and will try to post how everything is going.  I have been trying to keep up with all of you and reading about what everyone is doing.  I know it will get better.
Well, as FlowerLady says, I am ready to get horizontal, I am just exhausted so I will just keep all posted and wish hugs and love to all.

Thursday, May 1, 2014

Trudging Through, Hip Deep.

Dear Everyone,

I shockingly looked at the last post date of mine, and horridly, its been since Feb 2nd.  Oh my word, a long, long time.  Things really ramped up after that date,   I completed Guardianship court for my mom, as dad was in the hospital during Valentine's Day.  Then April 8th, I completed his Guardianship court.  It has not been easy period.  Both parents are furious with me.  Told me that I have railroaded them into something that is illegal, yada, yada, yada.  I just close my ears.  If it gets too bad, I just tell them that I am leaving for now and when everyone is cooled down, I will come back.
March and April found my mom back in the hospital, the last stint, the hospital finally seen that I desperately needed help, and with the blessings of several staff doctors, the ER Physician's assistant and RN's, my mother was placed where my dad was residing at the same nursing home.  After a few weeks, the NH staff placed her with my dad, and now they are both fuming, fighting and doing general havoc.  They just cannot go home anymore, as mom is scheduled to go to a ortho specialist to get that hip joint fixed so the hip joint will not fall out. She is fighting me every step of the way, but I scheduled an appointment for this month on the 21st, and I rented a car to get us down there.  I have also ordered her doctor to sedate her so I can handle her better as she is now obnoxious and mean. 
I only can take one day at a time.  The paperwork has been totally inundating, and the laws, rules and everything in between are unreal.  I ended up moving checking accounts to a different bank, I had to separate both accounts to each one, am in the process of moving insurance payments, and other banking with in May and June.  It is just unreal.
Personally, I cannot remember much of the last few months.  Each day molds into the next.  D and I have separated for now.  He is driving over the road and I am currently staying at the house until fall.  We are just going day by day.  The court and judge where I had all of the guardianship matters done, was informed by my attorney of what has happened to our lives because of all of this chaos, and he ordered a court liaison for both of us.  She is part council part attorney and is a go between for us before a divorce court is set.  The judge was sad, and disturbed of the repercussions of this event in our lives and felt that an intervention was needed.  So it is in place and I have seen the attorney twice now and D has talked to her by phone, since he is out on the road.  I guess, in our state, judges are privileged to intervene in certain things, like drug abuse or other life moments where it needs help or intervention, well, we got a intervention of the heart, and the judge, mentioned that 37 years of marriage, should not be thrown away because of parents and their shortcomings. So for now, we are abiding by the court for us and it has helped some.  There is so much issues with my parents and their lives and not planning.  I am starting to break down my parents home, I have sold one vehicle and have two more to sell.  My parents are demanding to go home, but I just do not have the energy, or the money to provide for them. I am also not going to jail or prison if one or both fall in the home, they are not safe nor mentally stable to be home.    My mother's Alzheimer's is getting bad, she is mean and nasty and too hard to take care of.  My dad believes that he is well and can do everything that he did before, he is very belligerent and demanding as well as my mother. But he is in a wheel chair and needs assistance to the bathroom, and for dressing.   My mother constantly calls my home, demanding I be there 24/7, and I had better do it.  I just do not answer the phone.  I have told the NH and I refuse to answer the phone, and if it an emergency, leave a message, and I will call immediately back.  My doctor told me to get a handle on that situation as they were going to send me to an early grave way before them.  They (my parents) are now like teenagers who are rebellious and obnoxious.  I am now not giving an inch anymore.  I am taking back my life.

I have been trying to get into my garden.  I have started a few things, but the weather we have had has been nasty, horridly windy, very little rain or snow.   We are now in extreme drought and I am sure that water restrictions are going to be in place this summer.  I have got to get a rototiller rented so I can finish my soil tilling, and put compost and manure in and be ready to plant here in the next few weeks.  It has been nice that I do have some time to do this.  Last year, I was running totally like a chicken with my head cut off.  When I had my last session with the council/attorney, I told her that I do not remember last year at all.  At that time, we were moving and trying to maintain my parents home, and handle all of their business.  I am so frightened of that thought, can't remember 2013.

There is just too much to write about what has been going on.  I am glad that I am a little further down the path, but I am not finished yet.  A lot remains, more problems, but the nice thing is that my mother is placed now, and I do not have to worry about her doing dumb, stupid things at home and getting my butt in a boat load of trouble.  I do have some time now, however little that is mine now.  I have taking time in the morning to follow all of you.  That is my quiet time, with a cuppa tea or coffee, and read, and keep up with all of you.
It is so nice to start writing and blogging again.

Well,  I need to run a few errands and I will try very hard to post something more this weekend.  My hugs to all of you.  Yes, I am still here.
Hugs and Love to All.  

Sunday, February 2, 2014

changes in life

Good Morning Everyone,

I am deeply sorry for the delay in my blogging. Personally, I just have not had it in me to blog nor had the time.  January was a terrible, terrible month for a lot of things and it just got worse every day as something would come up, or a phone call.  It just went into the loo pretty quick.

The nursing home called APS, (Adult Protective Services) on me,  in my dad's behalf,  and I had nothing but issues with an  overbearing woman.  She was at the house three times, and then back over to my dad at the nursing home, and then on to my mother's home, where she got my mother totally worked up and I have had nothing but going-into-bender episodes with her. On Monday the 27th, she calls me late in the afternoon, and told me that she found nothing to backup the accusations that were made at all, that everything was totally unfounded.  I asked this woman,  that my guardianship attorney wanted a letter stating that charges and accusations have been dropped, and that I will not have to endure this any more.  She complied and sent a letter, I received that on Wednesday by Certified letter.  But now, because of all of this, my life has changed for the worse and I now have to proceed onto my soon to be new life on my own.

D and I will be separating and divorcing.  The strain of all of this has been too much, and the straw that broke the back was the APS case worker coming into the home.  He is beyond furious with my dad, I am too, and because of all of this, this has changed the way I look at my dad and all of the trouble he and the nursing home has caused.  We, (D and I),  are both trying to still be friends, and take things as they come daily, but since this has happened, I am on the radar screen for any one little thing that the nursing home, or my dad can come up with.  My mom is on the radar screen now also for anything, and a case worker can come out unannounced and anything is possible now.  D feels now that we will get no peace at all since this has happened, and lines must be drawn in the sand.  The APS worker mentioned that I will have this type of intrusion with the nursing home and my dad's accusations probably every 3 months or so. By law, every time an elder mentions that they are abused, APS is contacted.  So I will have to put up with this until my dad passes away.  I will mention that I hope its soon.  I am sorry to say.

So, I have been trying to find a cheap place to call home, I have been looking at very small studio apartments, something in my budget.  D will be selling the house that we just got not too long ago, and departing and going back to over the road driving  possibly up in the Bracken oil fields for equipment operations.  I did not ask for any money as since I am my dad's guardian, I cannot receive outside money as it will interfere with dad's Medicaid, so, its been a horrid January.

I guess you never know what will happen, and especially this.  I guess I just wanted everyone to know that I will try to stay with the blog, and give you reports.  I am still reading every one's blog, and keeping up with all of you. I have been looking at studios with a possible area where I could put some container pots.  This will be one of my points where I live as I cannot exist without some type of gardening, or I will go mad.

So, just a quickly our lives were great, now its trash.  Its funny how something like Alzheimer's can be a game changer.  The sad thing is, this is what this disease can and will do.  Its just not the patient, its the whole family.  And when you are unable to get help, or anything, it will take the family down with it, hook, line and sinker.  Starting this journey, I did not realize all of the laws, rules and everything in between has taken control of our lives, and a lot of this is the result of Obamacare, or whatever you want to call it.  I will call it a mess and a total destroyer of lives.  That is one thing you can count on from this.

Well, I will go for now.  I promise I will stay in contact.  I will be able to take the computer with me, so I can take care of my problem children's (parents) business.  I am only hoping that things may calm down, I doubt it, but until then, I am just taking it a day at a time.
I just want to again, thank all of you for your readership, your emails, and thoughts.  I want all of you to know that it is you that I am able to even get up in the morning to see what it going on.  Without all of you, I am not sure where I would be.  Thank you all for just being here, where ever in the world.

Hugs to All of You