Wednesday, April 13, 2011

I'm still here, again

Good Morning everyone,

I first want to thank all of you for the get well's, I really appreciated it.  I feel very  loved.
I will try to fill you in on a few things that have unfortunately popped up while I was ill and I am trying to sit back and think about things and how and what I need to do to face them and tackle.

First, I needed to go to my GP physician, which I am proud to say I don't visit too very often.  I cannot afford them in the first place, BUT, this may throw a wrench in the machinery.  I went last Friday, and had to do my annual blood panels which I have been unable to do for several years.  Again, cost and also taking care of elderly parents and other things that I can only do.  I am supposed to go every year on my cancer anniversary, well being sick didn't help either.  What ever type of flu this was really knocked me on my butt, and threw my whole system off into the four winds.  Second, I was wore out completely, Doc asked me what in the hell have I been doing to bring blood work to the table looking like what I had, I told him and then  an ass chewing that lasted for a half hour.  My thyroid was bottomed out completely, at 0.4.  I have had to take generic thyroid medication, which for me, doesn't work, as it doesn't stay stable in my body, but I can afford it.  It boiled down to being totally wore out.  I also have had and on again, off again sinus infection and ear infection that I battle constantly.
 My second blow is that my blood work showed some possible cancer markers, now, first, doc and I aren't real sure if its from me totally being wore out, and then being sick and it flared up everything including platelets and white count, or what.  So, what doc wants is for me to get healthy first, like he told me, " I cannot send you to the oncologist sick, you must get well and rest, and take care of yourself, or else...... then I will visit the oncologist around July to get more testing done.

This is something I really don't need.  First, we really do not have access to good medical care, second, when you are one of me, meaning poor white trailer park trash, you are limited as to what you get here.  It has always been like this, and always will be.  It is the facts of life here.  So, I am trying to mull things around as to what to do, and how to tackle things.

I do know that my garden plans are going into the loo for this year.   I am starting to work in the garden again, a little bit at a time, I get very tired and wore out from even a half hour in the garden, but I have started a small garden in the back of my lot where I can grow a few things, and I can take care of it without help.  I will also be doing containers where I can take care of my herbs and some peppers and a few other types of easy plants.  I have a place in the new raised bed behind in the back yard for cucumbers.  My mushroom bed will have to wait till maybe fall.  I have had to resort to bringing my garden area to the north side of the trailer because of new people that are moved in on my south side, and they are not too nice.
I am not even sure of Farmer's market this year.  We have a meeting Thursday at noon, and I will see what has changed, what new laws are now in place from the USDA and the powers that be.  I have been told the rules are numerous and are costly, which if they are, I will not be participating, I have enough expense going on as it is.
What breaks my heart is my elderly chef clients have had to go without some things.  I just have been unable to do anything, as it physically wears me out.  They have been like troopers and totally understand, and a few have taken what I taught them, meaning doing some marathon cooking and then wrapping and sealing meals like TV dinners and they have been getting by and are eating on the weekends.
I should take my own healthy eating words to heart, I was malnourished also, doc was furious, but as I told him, that since the flu, food just did not even smell good to me.  I am now just starting to be able to eat baked chicken and steamed veggies without having a gag reflex.  I do know that I have to eat very small meals several times a day, morning is the worse for me, so its very light, yogurt, toast, maybe a granola cereal, and maybe a hard boiled egg, that's it. Lunch is a small sandwich, like tuna salad or chicken salad, in rye bread or a pita.  Then by dinner, I can handle food better.  I also was given a prescription, (yes) prescription for Ensure, as I was told by my doctor that the state will give me this with a prescription to help me out, which is nice, so I am also on Ensure twice a day to help bring my mineral and vitamin stores up to specs before July. And of course, its chocolate, what else could it be. lol

My other problem is, that the owners of the park where I live, I think have gone AWOL or batty in the brain.  They placed some people next to me to the south that are weird, and come to find out from one of my house neighbors, the man that lives there is violent.  I will tell you that they are a mixed race couple and I won't go any further than that.  I will tell you when that is done, we have nothing but big trouble in little China here when races are mixed which we have had in the past. I went to the owners last week, and told them that if there are any problems what so ever, I will seek legal help from my attorney as to holding my own space and being able to live safely here, then I called my attorney and told him the health issues and the issues here I have going  and all we are doing now is just standing by and seeing what comes of it, that it all I can do anyway. 
I assure you, I really don't care about color, all I want is to be able to enjoy my home, and play in the garden, but I have had past issues where it got dangerous.  We have had blood baths with mixed races when parties were going and we have a black man almost killed in the back when he crashed a party that was going on, when I first moved here.  So I guess for now, I will just mind my own business and go from there.

So anyway, I don't want to cry about anything,  That's not what I am about.  I just thought I had better blog to let everyone know I am still up and around causing hate and discontent. lol  I will be concentrating on getting well and then face the enemy with open eyes.  I pray that it is nothing but wore out, but I will just have to take one bridge and one mountain at a time.

From everyone's  blogs I am reading, everyone is in the gardens and plantin' away.  I have heard on our local news that we may have another snow storm on the way for Friday,  Nothing new, that is why I have been careful about what I am placing out.  I have lettuces and asparagus out and it is covered, so its ok, but anything else, forget it.  It has been very cold and rainy and dreary here.  We get a few days of nice, warm weather, it was 77 here yesterday, but now today it will be around 50 so we just are not out of winter yet.  Maybe someday, we will get to spring, but generally its winter, then instant summer.

Well, I think that I have been depressing enough, I wish everyone a wonderful week, I will try to blog later in the week, I really don't have much to blog about with no gardening going on, but I will probably have snow pictures to show you.
Until then, have a great and wonderful week and weekend.



  1. (((Dear Vicki))) ~ I am so sorry to hear how really ill you have been. I was just thinking of writing to you this morning, and will do so later. Just take one day at a time, and GET WELL. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

    It's too bad you couldn't find a nice family in the country that would rent out space for you to plant your mobile home. Have you looked around for that sort of thing?

    Wishing you well ~ Love and hugs


  2. I hear you about the thyroid. Levothyroxine (the generic Synthroid) does diddly squat for me, but the Big Pharma has such a lock on everything that that's the "generic of choice" I have to use Armour thyroid 90 mg -- Walmart can get it for me but it's 30 bucks a month. Thank goodness I was able to get on with the VA here (ex-USAF)and I can now get it for $8 a month. Peanut butter is a good cheap protein if you can hack it. Salsa is also high in vitamin B (the peppers). (Funny you should mention tuna salad. I just mixed me up a big bowl of it.) Also refried beans (Old El Paso makes a fat free kind) Hang in there, lady! Sending good vibes your way.

  3. I am so sorry for all your situations.

    I just want you to know, you may be poor and live in a trailer park but you are NOT trash. You never have been and never will be. The world might have their opinions and definitions but just reject them like you reject meat glue and pink slime.

    I wish you lived closer so I could come over and help you and just visit. I don't suppose you want to move to NJ? :)

    Hugs to you dear friend.

  4. Vicki, you just hang in there and like the doc said, get yourself well. I wish you were near me, I'd run in with some of my homemade chicken soup and have you feeling better in no time! I hate that, as much as you do for others, there don't seem to be many in your crowd who can do for you. Please do not be bashful about asking for help from local agencies, if there are any that are local to you. That's what these places are really for, not for the free rides they give every lazy ass. They have to help the jerks that could and should be working to take care of themselves in order to help those that really need help, and Hon, don't be too proud to ask for help.

    I've had bad neighbors and my daughter has lived in mixed-race low-income communities and yes, the race issue still exists much as I wish it didn't. There were people shot and the whole nine yards. We came to get the grandsons, tried to take DD home with us too but she wouldn't come. They were huddled in their small apartment with all the shades drawn, and the way they all stood there and stared at us when we drove in and then back out was scarey. I don't know if it is their poverty, or their lack of anything constructive to do, that makes them so easy to stir up into violence. So be careful not to get caught in the middle of it. I'm sure the park managers are just looking at the Almighty Dollar but when violence breaks out, that can be a lot more expensive than an empty spot.

    I will keep you in my prayers. Hugs, Ilene

  5. Dear Vicki, do not call yourself Trailer Trash! You are not and could never be.

    You do whatever the doctor tells you regarding getting healthy and what you can't do, don't let it worry you.

    I know you have, but I am going to suggest it anyway, please check out any programs that your state may have that will aid you in anyway.
    That is what they are for!