Sunday, February 2, 2014

changes in life

Good Morning Everyone,

I am deeply sorry for the delay in my blogging. Personally, I just have not had it in me to blog nor had the time.  January was a terrible, terrible month for a lot of things and it just got worse every day as something would come up, or a phone call.  It just went into the loo pretty quick.

The nursing home called APS, (Adult Protective Services) on me,  in my dad's behalf,  and I had nothing but issues with an  overbearing woman.  She was at the house three times, and then back over to my dad at the nursing home, and then on to my mother's home, where she got my mother totally worked up and I have had nothing but going-into-bender episodes with her. On Monday the 27th, she calls me late in the afternoon, and told me that she found nothing to backup the accusations that were made at all, that everything was totally unfounded.  I asked this woman,  that my guardianship attorney wanted a letter stating that charges and accusations have been dropped, and that I will not have to endure this any more.  She complied and sent a letter, I received that on Wednesday by Certified letter.  But now, because of all of this, my life has changed for the worse and I now have to proceed onto my soon to be new life on my own.

D and I will be separating and divorcing.  The strain of all of this has been too much, and the straw that broke the back was the APS case worker coming into the home.  He is beyond furious with my dad, I am too, and because of all of this, this has changed the way I look at my dad and all of the trouble he and the nursing home has caused.  We, (D and I),  are both trying to still be friends, and take things as they come daily, but since this has happened, I am on the radar screen for any one little thing that the nursing home, or my dad can come up with.  My mom is on the radar screen now also for anything, and a case worker can come out unannounced and anything is possible now.  D feels now that we will get no peace at all since this has happened, and lines must be drawn in the sand.  The APS worker mentioned that I will have this type of intrusion with the nursing home and my dad's accusations probably every 3 months or so. By law, every time an elder mentions that they are abused, APS is contacted.  So I will have to put up with this until my dad passes away.  I will mention that I hope its soon.  I am sorry to say.

So, I have been trying to find a cheap place to call home, I have been looking at very small studio apartments, something in my budget.  D will be selling the house that we just got not too long ago, and departing and going back to over the road driving  possibly up in the Bracken oil fields for equipment operations.  I did not ask for any money as since I am my dad's guardian, I cannot receive outside money as it will interfere with dad's Medicaid, so, its been a horrid January.

I guess you never know what will happen, and especially this.  I guess I just wanted everyone to know that I will try to stay with the blog, and give you reports.  I am still reading every one's blog, and keeping up with all of you. I have been looking at studios with a possible area where I could put some container pots.  This will be one of my points where I live as I cannot exist without some type of gardening, or I will go mad.

So, just a quickly our lives were great, now its trash.  Its funny how something like Alzheimer's can be a game changer.  The sad thing is, this is what this disease can and will do.  Its just not the patient, its the whole family.  And when you are unable to get help, or anything, it will take the family down with it, hook, line and sinker.  Starting this journey, I did not realize all of the laws, rules and everything in between has taken control of our lives, and a lot of this is the result of Obamacare, or whatever you want to call it.  I will call it a mess and a total destroyer of lives.  That is one thing you can count on from this.

Well, I will go for now.  I promise I will stay in contact.  I will be able to take the computer with me, so I can take care of my problem children's (parents) business.  I am only hoping that things may calm down, I doubt it, but until then, I am just taking it a day at a time.
I just want to again, thank all of you for your readership, your emails, and thoughts.  I want all of you to know that it is you that I am able to even get up in the morning to see what it going on.  Without all of you, I am not sure where I would be.  Thank you all for just being here, where ever in the world.

Hugs to All of You


  1. Dear, dear Denim ~ I am so sorry you're going through all of this. My heart aches for you and the losses in your life, your folks and D.

    I will email you later.

    You are in my thoughts and prayers ~ Love ~ FlowerLady

  2. I am so SO sorry to read what a horrid turn your life has taken. I find it hard to credit that the word of your father, in his dementia, is taken and used against you and it just seems so unfair.

    I hope you and your husband are able to keep in touch and be civilized about your break up - it is not surprising this has happened with the strain you have both been under. I hope you can stay friends.

    I will be thinking of you and praying that things will get better rather than worse, and that you can find an apartment with a little garden you can tend to stop you going stir-crazy. Please stay in touch. Love, Jennie xx

  3. Oh no, I am just so, so sorry. Please hang in there and know that we are all thinking about you and wishing you the best.

  4. I have been away from reading for a while, and am so sorry to hear the troubles you are going through. I was thinking how I'd not be as likely to share so much in one moment, then the next moment I was thinking how grateful I am that you are as open as you are and willing to share. There are so many lessons here that are bound to save me and others some heartache. I'm adding you to my prayers too. I hope just the right place turns up for you, and you keep strength to watch over those in your care. And that you keep things slow enough to take good care of yourself too. brenda from ar

  5. What CAN one say. Dear Denim, when finances allow, you should treat yourself to a nice relaxing holiday; it's the only thing I can suggest to heal your woes. Cro xx

  6. Bless your dear sweet heart. I hope things ease up for you soon. I've been going through my own little bad patch but it doesn't hold a candle to what you've been forced to endure. I hope for a complete resolution of your problems sooner rather than later. Hang in there.

  7. I am at a loss over what to say....could you and D possibly hang on and try to get through this together. I think you both need each other. At least maybe postpone the actual divorce. That may be bad advice only you and he know what is best.

    Who knew that these problems could happen with your own parents. I am so sorry you have had all this grief.

  8. I agree with Glenda, and I speak from experience that maybe you and D just need to agree to take a "breather" from each other without doing anything rash like selling the house. Can you see a marriage counselor? BELIEVE ME, it will be cheaper in the long run. Can you go off on a vacation somewhere, separately or together, for a couple of weeks? I just hate to have you put your house on the market after all that you have been through trying to get into it.

    Would it be possible for the two of you to occupy separate parts of the house for awhile?

    Is there a way to resign from being your parents' responsible party? What do elderly people in your state do who have no children? Surely there is something in place.

    Well, that's me, always trying to fix things, hope I haven't stepped over the line. I hope for the best for you. Hugs, Ilene

  9. Oh I am so sorry to hear all of this. I sure hate to see any divorce and I hope and pray that you both can work it out.

    Scares me to think this could happen to us. My FIL is so far doing good in the care facility. He likes it and we like it. Time will tell. He will be 88 this may. Please check in now and then. God Bless.

  10. My best friend (of 54 years) finally stepped away and let the state take care of her elderly, mentally ill mother...for the very first time in her life she is without stress and truly happy. Please take care of yourseIf. I wish you peace, grace and joy.

  11. Hi there, so sorry to learn of you problems. I hope that you will be able to find some peace of mind soon. I'm just stopping by to say how touching your blog is. Thanks so much for sharing. I have recently found your blog and am now following you, and will visit often. Please stop by my blog and perhaps you would like to follow me also. Have a wonderful day. Hugs, Chris

  12. "Through the Eyez of Denimflyz" has been included in the A Sunday Drive for this week. Be assured that I hope this helps to point even more new visitors in your direction.