Thursday, May 1, 2014

Trudging Through, Hip Deep.

Dear Everyone,

I shockingly looked at the last post date of mine, and horridly, its been since Feb 2nd.  Oh my word, a long, long time.  Things really ramped up after that date,   I completed Guardianship court for my mom, as dad was in the hospital during Valentine's Day.  Then April 8th, I completed his Guardianship court.  It has not been easy period.  Both parents are furious with me.  Told me that I have railroaded them into something that is illegal, yada, yada, yada.  I just close my ears.  If it gets too bad, I just tell them that I am leaving for now and when everyone is cooled down, I will come back.
March and April found my mom back in the hospital, the last stint, the hospital finally seen that I desperately needed help, and with the blessings of several staff doctors, the ER Physician's assistant and RN's, my mother was placed where my dad was residing at the same nursing home.  After a few weeks, the NH staff placed her with my dad, and now they are both fuming, fighting and doing general havoc.  They just cannot go home anymore, as mom is scheduled to go to a ortho specialist to get that hip joint fixed so the hip joint will not fall out. She is fighting me every step of the way, but I scheduled an appointment for this month on the 21st, and I rented a car to get us down there.  I have also ordered her doctor to sedate her so I can handle her better as she is now obnoxious and mean. 
I only can take one day at a time.  The paperwork has been totally inundating, and the laws, rules and everything in between are unreal.  I ended up moving checking accounts to a different bank, I had to separate both accounts to each one, am in the process of moving insurance payments, and other banking with in May and June.  It is just unreal.
Personally, I cannot remember much of the last few months.  Each day molds into the next.  D and I have separated for now.  He is driving over the road and I am currently staying at the house until fall.  We are just going day by day.  The court and judge where I had all of the guardianship matters done, was informed by my attorney of what has happened to our lives because of all of this chaos, and he ordered a court liaison for both of us.  She is part council part attorney and is a go between for us before a divorce court is set.  The judge was sad, and disturbed of the repercussions of this event in our lives and felt that an intervention was needed.  So it is in place and I have seen the attorney twice now and D has talked to her by phone, since he is out on the road.  I guess, in our state, judges are privileged to intervene in certain things, like drug abuse or other life moments where it needs help or intervention, well, we got a intervention of the heart, and the judge, mentioned that 37 years of marriage, should not be thrown away because of parents and their shortcomings. So for now, we are abiding by the court for us and it has helped some.  There is so much issues with my parents and their lives and not planning.  I am starting to break down my parents home, I have sold one vehicle and have two more to sell.  My parents are demanding to go home, but I just do not have the energy, or the money to provide for them. I am also not going to jail or prison if one or both fall in the home, they are not safe nor mentally stable to be home.    My mother's Alzheimer's is getting bad, she is mean and nasty and too hard to take care of.  My dad believes that he is well and can do everything that he did before, he is very belligerent and demanding as well as my mother. But he is in a wheel chair and needs assistance to the bathroom, and for dressing.   My mother constantly calls my home, demanding I be there 24/7, and I had better do it.  I just do not answer the phone.  I have told the NH and I refuse to answer the phone, and if it an emergency, leave a message, and I will call immediately back.  My doctor told me to get a handle on that situation as they were going to send me to an early grave way before them.  They (my parents) are now like teenagers who are rebellious and obnoxious.  I am now not giving an inch anymore.  I am taking back my life.

I have been trying to get into my garden.  I have started a few things, but the weather we have had has been nasty, horridly windy, very little rain or snow.   We are now in extreme drought and I am sure that water restrictions are going to be in place this summer.  I have got to get a rototiller rented so I can finish my soil tilling, and put compost and manure in and be ready to plant here in the next few weeks.  It has been nice that I do have some time to do this.  Last year, I was running totally like a chicken with my head cut off.  When I had my last session with the council/attorney, I told her that I do not remember last year at all.  At that time, we were moving and trying to maintain my parents home, and handle all of their business.  I am so frightened of that thought, can't remember 2013.

There is just too much to write about what has been going on.  I am glad that I am a little further down the path, but I am not finished yet.  A lot remains, more problems, but the nice thing is that my mother is placed now, and I do not have to worry about her doing dumb, stupid things at home and getting my butt in a boat load of trouble.  I do have some time now, however little that is mine now.  I have taking time in the morning to follow all of you.  That is my quiet time, with a cuppa tea or coffee, and read, and keep up with all of you.
It is so nice to start writing and blogging again.

Well,  I need to run a few errands and I will try very hard to post something more this weekend.  My hugs to all of you.  Yes, I am still here.
Hugs and Love to All.  


  1. Dear, dear Denim ~ How good to see your post. My heart goes out to you. You have been through a lot of grief and I hope things will go smoother for you. I hope you and D will be able to mend and be together again.

    Love, hugs and prayers ~ FlowerLady

    1. Thank you, FL. I have missed everyone. I did not even realize how long it HAD been that I had written anything. It has been so bad and so, so much paperwork. This coming Tuesday, I have to attend a guardianship class for the state, so you can understand and follow all of the new regulations that are in place here in the state. Its a mess.

  2. Oh dear. Sounds to me like you may have to given them an ultimatum; either they behave themselves, or it's GOODBYE. Parents have no god-given right to bugger-up their own children's lives. FULL STOP.

    1. Yes, Mr. M, somewhat of an ultimatum, bad thing is that they do not even remember that I was there visiting them. They are constantly whining that no one visits and I am leaving them in prison. They do not even have the ability to ask an LPN to take them outside on the patio when its nice. I do not have many answers.

  3. Vikki, I'm glad to hear that some progress is being made. Alzheimer's and dementia with parents are extremely difficult situations. Both my parents were of sound mind until the end but my family health issues are always Cancer related. They mostly get hit some time in their 80s. I can't really identify with your parental issues personally but just from following your blog and hearing all the stress related things you have endured, I'm not sure I could have done it. It is tough to maintain a marital relationship during heavy turmoil like yours and my prayers are that some thing will change to bring your marriage back together better than it ever was before all this upheaval. Thirty seven years of marriage is longer than both mine put together. However, I'd still be married if she hadn't passed away 12 years ago. My only advice is to just keep plugging away. Things will change and get better. Some times for me it got down to just do the next right thing.

    Have the best day that you can.

  4. A big ehug to you. I am in the process of moving myself to a new apartment -- one that has a local landlord who maintains the place properly -- it's like herding cats, isn't it. There have been such great upheavals happening in your life. I wish you strength, courage and endurance. The only way you can come through it is by concentrating on one thing at a time. You have to stay focused on the task at hand because if you step back to take it all in, it will swamp you and overwhelm you. I sincerely hope that things come to a pass where you and D don't come to a parting of the ways and that you can get back together. Hang in there, lady. You'll see it through.

  5. My goodness what stress you are going through. My folks died before they got dementia and all. While I miss them and all, I'm glad I haven;t had to go through the things, that my husband has had to - with his dad. Actually his dad is doing okay. He gets these uti's like once a month. He is on the waiting list to get into the Cal Vet VA retirement home. He'll also be either 88 or 89 at the end of this month.

    I hope you can save your marriage - a time out might be all that is needed. I'm so sorry your folks are being demanding and all. Take care and it is good hearing from you.

  6. I too am sorry about your distress.
    Both my parents are dead so I have no idea what you are going through.
    I can only pray that things get better for you.
    Starting the garden will help things seem more normal.

  7. I am so glad to see you posting again. It may be good therapy for you.

    What a trail you have been and are going through. It does sound like you have things more organized. I do hope the counseling helps you and D. 37 years! You would think nothing could end that.

    Get that garden going. Working outside has always been my best therapy. Once you are in that sunshine, troubles seem to fall away.

    Sending you my best wishes.